What’s Important To You?

Tony Kimberly: Can I ask you a weird question?

Matt Bernier: sure

Tony Kimberly: What’s important to you?

Matt Bernier: What do you mean by that?

Tony Kimberly: Uhh, in the long run, in life. What’s important to you.

Tony Kimberly: I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and deciding what I want out of life and what I want to do/accomplish

Matt Bernier: To be happy, around the people I love, and to be comfortable in the life I have

Tony Kimberly: Kind of separate of that (but not) I had a good discussion with Beth earlier about Values, which seems kind of bigger. So I was trying to think of it as ‘Guiding Principles’

Matt Bernier: And to know that I earned my position in life with the feeling of accomplishment that goes with earning it.

Tony Kimberly: I like that

Matt Bernier: You gotta know where you want to go, to know how you are going to get there

Tony Kimberly: yeah, so I’ve known for a long time some of the things I want to accomplish in life but I feel like I haven’t defined some other things that I want to experience. Its really weird because I’ve always pictured myself doing these things alone and I recently realized that when I picture my future I still picture it alone.

Matt Bernier: I do that a lot too. I think that is what many of Mel and my fights are really about. Much of that comes from the fact that when you are working towards your goals, you do it by yourself. Whether or not you plan on taking the results of those goals and making them available for more than yourself does not really matter when you are working and have your head down.

Matt Bernier: I just make a point to remember that the things I am doing now are for both Melissa and myself. This actually gives me more motivation to do them right, and push them out in the world

Tony Kimberly: Yeah, I think that’s awesome.

This conversation, originally posted here, is what sparked Tony and I to create Journey To A Better Man.  We often find ourselves inadvertently talking to each other about our goals and the things that we are really looking forward to doing with our lives.  We do this knowing fully well that most Men, let alone 26 year old men, do not have this conversation.

The fact that we have these conversations is not something that we normally share with other people. The reason is simply that most people don’t understand.  When I have mentioned in the past to friends that Tony and I chat like this, the response is usually something to the effect of, “Uh, OK” followed by a comment or an effeminate flipping of a wrist.  I have been met with resistance when I try to start these types of conversations with friends as well.

My personal feeling on why so many Men are resistant to conversation like this is that most Men do not want to be seen as weak, and they do not like being told they are wrong in any way.  Many men do not especially want to self-actualize that they themselves are wrong.  I have met many people in my life who are too interested in keeping the status quo and just trucking along on their path that they do not “have time” to look around.  “Not having time” is an illusion for the fear of being real with yourself and being willing to change anything at all.

There is a preconceived notion that old people are “set in their ways” and crotchety. I would likely argue that they have conditioned themselves to be this way over a lifetime of being afraid to try new things and learn about the world around them.

The lifetime that you are living is not meant to be spent sedentarily, it is meant to be fiddled with and changed. It is malleable, so mess with it.  Make the choices in your life that will allow you to be a better Man, a better [person|husband|brother|cousin|employee|boss|whatever].  Otherwise you are wasting the time you have being miserable, angry, and generally a pain in the ass for everyone else.  Don’t condition yourself to be resistant to new things, condition yourself to be vigilant and ready for opportunity and adventure.  If you think about all of the “real men” who are idolized through movies and television shows, they are not the fat asses sitting on a couch bitching about something mindless. They are the guys who get up and do something about their problems.

One thing I try to remember is a phrase I came up with while thinking about this site:

Everything that you do right now is permanent.

You cannot change it or un-live it once it is done.

So make it count.

We aim to make this site count.  We see an opportunity and we are taking advantage.  If you can see what we are hoping to do with this site, we hope that you will take advantage and learn with us as we go through the things we have done and the decisions we have made along the way.  We are no where near perfect, you may not agree with what we are saying, and you might even decide to hate us for what we share here.  Either way, please tell us in the comments so we can address what you have to say.

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Article by Matt

Matt is a web developer and entrepreneur who grew up in Kansas City and went to school with Tony since Middle School. After college, Matt moved to Denver with his wife Melissa to start out their lives in a new city. Matt tagged this post with: , , , , , , , , , , Read 10 articles by
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