Tony’s Response: That’s Totally Gay

I can’t imagine what life would be like if the people around me continually insulted something that was a part of my life.  One of the things I completely love is Soccer.  I just try to imagine what my day would be like if everyone I talked to said “That’s so Soccer!” each time they were annoyed by something. (I know this is actually a terrible comparison but it was as good as I could come up with).

The point is that you don’t have to be gay or even support gay people to understand how insulting this sort of behavior is and why we don’t want to advocate it.  I spent a considerable amount of time just trying to keep myself from saying it so that I could suppress my own ignorance.

I have to admit I used to be guilty of this behavior and had it pointed out to me by a close friend who was personally offended by my ignorant ways.  It took some time but I got to the point where I was able to catch myself.

Soon I found myself responding to other’s who said “That’s Totally Gay” and I was replying with “There’s nothing Gay about that!”  Usually in a light-hearted way so that I could provoke a light-hearted response rather than sounding like I was being strictly critical.

The story I get most often is something along the lines of “You know I don’t have a problem with anyone being gay.”  My rebuttal to that is “you can say that all you want but your actions make it seem like you do have a problem.”  I tend to leave the situation alone because forcing it any further won’t get a good results.  I move on, smile to let the other person know I’m not still mad, and hope they’ll take it to heart and change their ways.

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Article by Tony

Tony is an engineer by training and an entrepreneur at heart. He's been actively studying, cataloging and working towards becoming a better man since 2009. Tony tagged this post with: , , , , , , , , , Read 9 articles by
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  1. Beth Kimberly says:

    I work with youth and with older kids we often ask them what they think the meaning of “gay” is. When they say “stupid”, we enlighten them and ask them if they would like it if we say “That’s so Tony!” With the younger ones, we usually suggest they don’t say it because they’re using it as an insult.

    I like that you don’t make a huge deal of it, but also don’t let people get by saying the phrase without calling them out. I like to do this knowing that most people will come back to think about what was said and decide for themselves what they feel about the phrase.

    I know that I had a good friend in college express something similar to what you’ve said about my statement “That’s retarded.” At first, I made a huff about how I didn’t mean it as an insult to anyone who is disabled, but later I thought about it and realized how hypocritical it was of me to believe in equality, but then use this word negatively.

  2. mbernier says:

    There is a site dedicated to the eradication of the negative usage of the word “retarded”, you can find them here: The R-Word.

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